Just Another Gorillaz Fanfic
by AishiExcel
Summary: Noodle is hitting someone with a guitar, 2D has popcorn on his head, and Russel STILL isn't getting the recognition he deserves. Chap Five is now up, so R&R telling me how it's no good. Gorillaz rock!
1. Chapter 1

RANDOM RAMBLINGS OF A STORY! Okay, here's the deal… I don't own anything, and never will unless I create it myself. Or unless those wonderful geniuses up there feel generous… puppy dog eyes Nah, but I own myself, and this disclaimer is far too long so let the story begin…… 

Chapter one: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

Kong studio was, as it always was, creepy and full of shadows one October morning. Halloween was approaching and you could feel it in the air , a bat that tangled itself in your locks, and the cold mist hanging over the landfill was an ominous cape hiding a deadly vampire.  
My goodness, I love using metaphors.  
Anyways, you get the point, it was creepy. The four members of the band Gorillaz were each in their respective rooms, Noodle reading a manga novel and giggling away, Russel listening to a record and eating KFC, Murdoc passed out in a drunken stupor in his Winnebago, and 2D incoherently playing his Helly Drop game. Suddenly a loud crash brought all of them running out into the lobby to find out what was happening.  
"'Eyre comin' ta get us!" yelled 2d, looking around furiously.  
"Man, who's up in here this early?" demanded Russel, raising a large fist.  
"They should not come into house without permission!" insisted Noodle, getting into a judo position, ready to attack.  
"Whaddaya bloody want?" growled Murdoc, scratching his behind.

There was another crash and then a high, girlish squeal rang through the hallways. "Oh no, 's a nother fan gonna come and glomp me!" cried 2D, hiding behind Russel "Or one o' those psycho bloody groupies!" snapped the bands bassist, also rushing to hide behind the large drummer.  
Noodle stared blankly at the boys. "You are scared"  
"They tries ta put me inna penguin suit!" whined the blue-haired vocalist.  
"Stuff it, I'm freakin' sick a them wantin ta have my kids!" growled Murdoc. "Ya think, okay I'll just have some fun with 'er and be through in the mornin, but then they wanna stick around and make ya breakfast, then getting all these bloody ideas about marriage and… no way am I goin' through that again"  
" And they keep askin' me if 'D and Mud's are really a couple or some other bull like that!" Russel interjected.  
He paused for a minute. "Wait a minute, D… how come you and Mud's have all these women throwin' themselves at your feet and I ain't got one damn groupie"  
2D shrugged." Maybe ya ate em all"  
"I'll tell ya why Russ… " Murdoc, rasped, moving out from behind the drummer to face him. " Me, and even Pretty-boy here, but mostly me, have got a thing called sex appeal! You? You sniff daisies and eat Macca's. Nobody likes that"  
Russel's lower lip quivered. "You mean I don't have that 'big teddy bear' appeal"  
Noodle patted Russ on the arm. " Stu-san and Mud-ni-san will have many girls come and go, but you, Russel-ni-san, have one special person who will be with you for long times. "  
The Asian teenager's Confucius-like wisdom made Russel smile. "Aright, then. Wait, ain't we getting off track? We've spent half a page talkin' bout groupies and someone's STILL in the house"  
"Oh yeah!" mused 2D, putting, a hand on his head. "What we s'posed to do now"  
Noodle flipped ahead a couple of pages and read the plot . "I believe we are intended to go and investigate what noise is"  
"Right then!" 2D said, cheerfully walking out from behind Russel and pointing down a random hallway. "Off we goes"  
He paused and saw his group still standing where they were. " Why's ya still stand-in' there"  
"Noise has come from other direction, D-ni-san." Noodle finally said, hiding a giggle.  
"Right.. Knew that', " mumbled 2D sheepishly, shuffling back to the crew. "Uh… lead tha' way"  
**(The authoress would just like to interrupt for a minute to say what a pain it is to type D and Mud's dialogue the way it sounds on Microsoft Word with spell check screaming its little red underlines everywhere. But it is worth it for the sake of you, my friends)  
**As the gang walked into the darkest, scariest hallway in all of Kong Studios, they clustered a little closer together. Noodle snatched Russel's hand when she heard a noise and glanced around. "You are hearing that Russ-ni-san"  
"You can smell the stench of evil and death in here…" whispered Russ, squeezing Noodle's hand gently.  
"Nah, I think that's me, " interjected Murdoc, sniffing under his arms. "Phew! Time for a shower"  
There was a third crash and 2D squeaked and latched onto Murdoc tightly.  
"GET OFFA ME YA FRUIT LOOP!" snapped Mud's, throwing 2D away from him as if he had some kind of disease. "Are ya tryin' to turn me inta a fruit loop like you"  
"Oh, no, this isn't one of THOSE fanfics is it?" groaned Russ. "That's the only reason I'm glad I don't have fan girls"  
Murdoc glared at Russ, Noodle and 2D. "If I turn out to be a fruit loop in this story, someone is going to PAY"  
"This whole thing smell of suspiciously convenient circumstances, "Noodle added. "We should be prepare and not let them sneak up on us"  
(**The authoress would like to add that it is also quite inconvenient to type Noodle's dialog when green underlines are yelling at you about your grammar. She wishes you all happy reading because she had to go through hell to get Word to shut up.)** "What's a fanfic Russel?" 2D asked, tugging on the drummer's sleeve.  
"It's a scary, scary thing 'D. Everyone goes all psycho and people who never even look at each other twice fall in love and have scary NC-17 love scenes, and the grammar is so bad ya'd think a monkey typed it"  
"They are not all this way?" Noodle asked hopefully.  
"No, luv, there are some good ones, but we're stereotyping them all into bad ones because it's funnier that way"  
"'Dis a good un 'r a bad un?" 2D asked, titling his head to an angle.  
"The bloody authoress prob'ly thinks it's the best thing since Satan, but stuff what she thinks I think it's CRAP!" snapped Murdoc. " I had to bloody wake up for this?" Noodle giggled. "You say 'bloody' quite often Murdoc-ni-san. Each word seems to be followed by 'bloody"  
Murdoc's cheeks flushed slightly. "I do not bloody say bloody after every bloody word! "  
"What is this?" interrupted 2D, causing everyone to pause in conversation and look at him. He was pointing to a large wooden crate with the words "FRAGILE :THIS END UP" on it upside down.  
"It may contain original character that 2d san falls in love with…" Noodle said, poking it with a large stick. "We should burn it immediately"  
"I'm gon' open it," the blue-haired lead singer said cheerfully. He grabbed a conveniently placed crowbar and began prying away at the planks of the container.  
Everyone leaned forward slightly, holding their breath in anticipation. The lid came open and…  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" 2D gave another scream and literally tackled Murdoc. Noodle leaned over the box and peeked in to see what all the fuss was about. She reached inside and brought out a pink, sparkly pixie doll with purple butterfly wings.  
"'GET OFFA ME GOD DAMN IT!" snapped the bassist, flinging 2D onto Russel and scrambling to his feet. "You're terrified of a damn fairy doll"  
" Though it is quite… distasteful, I do not see why 2D-ni-san is afraid of doll," Noodle said, holding the doll out towards 2D. " NOO, GET IT 'WAAAY!" insisted 2D, running away from the doll. Noodle got an evil smile on her face and began chasing the singer in circles with the pixie doll in her hand. "What is the bloody point a' this story anyways?" Murdoc demanded. "The plot isn't going ANYWHERE"  
Suddenly a short girl with shoulder-length red hair, glasses and too much eyeliner fell from the sky directly on top of 2D. She sprang to her feet and looked around.  
Russel blinked. "What just happened"  
The girl bowed from the waist Japanese-style and held out a hand to the drummer. "Hello! My name is Aishi. I come from America but I moved to Australia. I'm a self-inserted character based on the authoress who is supposed to come in and cause trouble for you and your band mates, possibly make 2D or Murdoc fall in love with me, and then create drama because of some issue that I have brought up. I am hyperactive and quite often speak in gigantic run-on sentences like this one which will often branch off into other topics such as the time when I was watching my mom try to teach the dog how to speak and she told my sister and I to speak and for the remainder of the day we were barking at her command . I also like to speak very bad fan girl Japanese though I have absolutely no Japanese blood or background aside from my love of manga. I am the same age as Noodle"  
Russel blinked his white, blank eyes. "Did you stop to take a breath in that whole paragraph"  
Aishi though for a second. ".. No"  
2D stood up. "Ow, I fink she knocked me back out"  
"What bloody good are ya then?" snapped Murdoc, kicking 2D.  
There was a loud crack and 2D gleefully said, "Ya fixed it Muds"  
"Did you come alone?" Noodle asked Aishi inquisitively.  
"Nope. I also wrote my friend Pandora into the story, and she should be showing up right about…. NOW"  
A tall girl with curves and blue eyes fell from the sky and landed on top of 2D just as Aishi had done. There was another loud crack.  
"Me back's out again.." mumbled 2D.  
"Where's the freakin' Ruby red slippers?" snapped the newcomer.  
"This is Pandora! She's overtly sarcastic, the serious companion to my hyper rambling, and though she's not much older than me she acts like she thinks she's an adult, has a drinking problem and Murdoc is going to want to flirt with her all the time"  
"Don't I get some say in this?" the bassist whined.  
"It's a fanfic. You have no say in anything. I can make you make out with 2D right now if I want to"  
"Can not!" growled the alcoholic Satanist.  
Suddenly he found himself looking deep into the black eyes of Stu-pot. There was something beautiful in them. He slunk closer to the skinny younger boy and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Hey brainless… have I ever told you that I secretly want you"  
"Want me to make it stop?" asked Aishi, giggling gleefully.  
"HELL YEAH! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? I wanna bloody jump on dullard here and start…." Murdoc shuddered. "Just make me stop thinkin' like this, I'll get nightmares for the rest of my life! Or at least make it someone other than Stu-pot the brainless wonder"  
Aishi thought for a second. 2D suddenly turned into Shaun Ryder. "And that, my friends, explains how the Dare video came to be"  
"Can I go back to being 2D now?" Shaun asked. "No prob." Aishi turned the man who would play a giant disembodied head in a music video back into a skinny cartoon stick with a mop of blue hair. Murdoc shoved the singer away immediately. " This never happened, you hear me"  
Pandora jumped up and down, waving her arms. "Halloo! Aren't you forgetting about something here? I am a part of this story too"  
"Oh, right!" Aishi handed Pandora a cookie. "Take this"  
"Why?" asked the taller girl, staring at the confectionary treat in her hand.  
"I'm hungry!" interjected Russel.  
" Good for you.. you want a freakin cookie?" Pandora snapped.  
"That's why," Aishi said with a small grin.  
"Actually, yes I do." Russel said eagerly and took the cookie from Pandora.  
Pandora glared at Aishi. "Very cute Aishi. Ha, ha"  
"I know, " Aishi said with a bigger grin. "I will be doing things like this through the whole story, so beware"  
"So what do you wish to do now?" Noodle asked, tilting her head and staring at the American/Australian girl who could be both at the same time.  
"Well, the way the story goes, we have nowhere to go so we have to stay at Kong studios with y'all. I will be staying in your room and become friends with you, Noodle, and Pandora will have the spare bedroom near 2D's which also has a door which leads to the car park making it convenient for Murdoc to annoy you. And of course he will think nothing of the fact that though you look grown you're the same age as Noodle and he could be your father, or even your grandpa"  
Pandora glared at Aishi. "Why are you putting me through this"  
"Because of some kind of conversation between us that no-one comprehends, let alone us ourselves"  
"Um, Archie"  
"It's Aishi, and yes 2D"  
"Aren'tcha forgettin 'bout us completely"  
The vocalist was right. The band was standing indifferently around the room, Russel drumming a beat with his fingers on the wooden crate, Noodle absentmindedly playing with the pink pixie doll, and Murdoc trying desperately to clear his mind of thoughts of the earlier incident with 2D.  
"Oh yeah!" the redhead said, grinning sheepishly. " Um.. now is the part in the story when we take a chapter break and I write a really long, tedious author's note"  
"Good, cuz I needed to pee!" 2D exclaimed, rushing up the stairs and out of sight.  
(insert little border-thingy between my words and the story)  
(like this one)

* * *

What do you think my furry friends? I have a seriously bizarre sense of humor so, this is the story that I came up with when I tried to write a Gorillaz story. Actually, I've written three before this… one "Murdoc2D" (note the quote marks… I won't say anything but they're there for a reason), one in badly written script format with myself and Pandora in it, (probably to be remade into the next chapter of this fic) and one anti-Paula, also in bad script format. And my next idea after this one is a crap story about the Gorillaz ending up on celebrity Survivor. Anyways, I wrote this over the span of one day directly on the computer without first writing it in a notebook/on my hand/in my school books/ on a napkin somewhere first. Maybe that explains how it will be the first to get put on the internet. Anyways, I'll end this and go back to the weirdness of my story, so.. JA NE!

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers are taking over the WORLD! I don't own Gorillaz, but if someone gave me a million dollars (hint hint)... Well, that still wouldn't be enough to buy 'em. But I do have a cool Feel Good Inc ring tone, and I bought the album Demon days and listen to it 70 hours a day. And I own myself, just s Pandora owns herself but I have her permission to use her character (I think)…. On to our next chapter!

Chapter Two: The problems begin…

2D stood outside of the toilet, squirming impatiently. He fiddled with the door and attempted to open it, but it was shut tight. He groaned and crossed his legs, wiggling slightly as he tugged on the handle of the obstruction between him and release of the contents of his bladder.  
"Summon 'elp please?" he called, looking up and down the hallway. "Th' door's locked an' I needa pee! 'Ello"  
There was no reply; the hallway and all rooms in or near it seemed to be mysteriously deserted. 2D let out a small whine and hoped from foot to foot, clutching at himself. "I gotta GO!" he whimpered, pulling on the toilet doors. Was this Murdoc's doing?  
He tugged on the door desperately and did a little dance that the authoress likes to call the pee-pee dance. Suddenly he spied a conveniently placed potted plant outside the toilet door.  
2D looked up and down the hallway, it WAS deserted… Well, when you have to go, you have to go. He quietly unzipped his pants and… "Whatcha doin?" asked a cheerful female voice. 2D froze and his face reddened. Aishi peered at him from behind her black-rimmed glasses.  
"Uh... 'Lo… uh, iwaz jus'… "  
"Do you have to pee"  
"Uh, yeah"  
"Well then why don't you go in the toilet"  
2D zipped his pants and inched away from the self-inserted-authoress-based-character who had shown up in the story a chapter ago. "I, uh... it's locked"  
Aishi tilted her head slightly. "Really"  
2D nodded, once again doing the pee-pee dance. "Yeah... c'n I like, uh… be 'lone now so I c'n pee"  
Aishi walked over to the door and pushed on it lightly. It swung open, revealing the toilets in all their graffiti-covered glory. "Don't seem locked to me"  
2D's jaw gaped. "Waz that them magical authoress powers again"  
Aishi shook her head. "No… that was the power of awkward situation, but the door was unlocked the whole time. It's a push door"  
2D's already flushed cheeks went even redder. "Oh... I knew that"  
Aishi giggled. "Whatever. I'm going now; there are no more opportunities for comedy in here… unless I have someone walk in on you when you're in the toilet…" She paused for a minute, pondering puzzling possibilities (damn my English teacher for teaching me alliterations…) but then shook her head. "No, if I focus too much on the toilet this will turn into a hentai story, and all the major plot developments will happen in there. Anyways, I'm leaving now; I have more sitcom-like awkwardness and hilarious situations to exploit. Seeya"  
2D watched the 14-year-old's red hair bounce as she skipped down the corridor and out of sight. A sweat drop rolled down his forehead anime-style. 'That waz weird..." he finally said, before dashing into the toilet to release his pee.

Meanwhile, Pandora was standing in the lobby of Kong studios with a bored expression on her face. "I have been waiting in here for half a page while she talks about toilets and potted plants!" the tall teenager (alliterations again!) snapped, stomping a foot. "I'm going to kill that girl"  
Suddenly there was a noise and Panda-Chan (the first sign of fan girl Japanese rears it ugly head!) turned to see Murdoc standing beside her.  
She glared at the bassist. "What do you want"  
"A million dollars, world domination and Satanic powers, but that's not important," Murdoc grinned and inched up to the blue-eyed original character. "At the moment, I want you"  
Pandora felt an anime-style sweat drop from above her. "I am really not sure whether I should be insulted, flattered or just plain scared out of my wits," the teen said, baking away from the bassist and raising an eyebrow. "I don't really go for grandpas"  
"Who you callin' grandpa?" Murdoc said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not that old"  
Pandora shook her head. "Aishi, your story is bizarre. Couldn't you make someone else, ANYONE else, like me? Come on"  
Aishi instantly appeared in the room, grinning like a Cheshire fox. (The cat is probably copyrighted, and foxes are cooler anyways.) "Well, I could, but I distinctly remember you saying that the Gorillaz member you'd most want to do is Murdoc. Besides, this way I have plenty of comedy material to use when I feel like my plot is going stale"  
"What plot?" interrupted Murdoc. "Aside from you and Panda-chick here, not much has actually happened in this story! Sure, we heard a crash, found a box, and 2D got squished by two birds, but in reality this plot is pretty much pointless"  
"I know, but I try to make up for it with tongue-in-cheek commentary on the fan fiction world, sarcasm and bizarre comedy. Although a few more chapters of this would quickly grow tedious, so what do you think Pandora, do we need to cut down on the parody and develop a plot"  
Pandora stared at the Satan-loving bassist who was staring at her chest. "As long as you don't set me up as a couple with demon-man here, I think its fine; whatever you want"  
"You shouldn't have told me not to, now I could do it," Aishi said with a grin.  
Russel and Noodle walked by and stood by Murdoc, so that they got some exposure in the chapter as well. After all, the authoress hates how poor Russ seems to get next to no attention.  
"What is going on?" Noodle asked, tilting her head. "Yeah, you and Pandora steal all the lines so Noods and I, hell, the whole band, gets pushed into the background and forgotten about"  
" I don't mean to do it, just as I don't mean to use so much parody and forget about actual story, but look at me, I'm still doing it as I say this very line!" Aishi said sheepishly.  
"Well, I'm going to have a shower and then play bass for awhile, leaving my Winnebago unlocked and unguarded for anyone and everyone to break into. Bye, losers"  
"Hmmm!" Aishi pondered aloud, putting a finger to her lips in thinking position.  
"What is it?" Noodle asked, as the redheaded multinational anime addict giggled like a madwoman.  
"Nothing, Noodle, come with me Pandora!" sang Aishi, pulling her friend just out of the Gorillaz (or at least three of them)'s hearing range.  
"I think I found our plot!" Aishi declared, shaking Panda violently. "Where?" asked the teen, slightly dizzy.  
"In the 'Bago!" sang the shorter girl, doing an impromptu dance. "Didn't you already write that story"  
"Yeah, but this one is better! Let's GO!"

Russel stared at the ceiling in boredom. "Man, I wonder how many dots are on the ceiling?" he asked Noodle, pointing directly over their heads.  
Noodle marveled at the ceiling. "Ooh… I do not know"  
"Let's count 'em!" suggested Russ, pointing at the farthest dot near the wall and counting outwards from it. "1,2,3,4,5,6"  
"STOP!" demanded a voice and 2D rushed into the room. "Don't ya know that counting tha dots on tha ceiling makes yer house blow up"  
Noodle raised an eyebrow and stared at the vocalist. "What are you talking about and why do you say this 2d"  
"Cause! I've seen it happen!" cried the blue-haired boy. "Don't do it"  
"I am sure it does," said Noodle, rolling her eyes. "Where were we counted"  
"Seven," Russel said matter-of-factly.  
"Hachi, kyuu, juu..." counted Noodle.  
"11,12,13"  
2D paused for a minute, and then shrugged. "14…, uh, what comes after fourteen Russ"  
"Fifteen, 2d" Noodle answered for him.  
"Okay. 15.. Uh, what comes after that"  
" Just stick to the numbers you know, 'D"  
".. .. .. What number comes after purple"  
Russel slapped his forehead. "Never mind."

While Russel, 2D and Noodle were distracted counting dots and Murdoc was in the shower, Pandora and Aishi snuck off into the car park. "Tell me again why we're doing this Aishi?" Panda whispered, glancing behind her to make sure they weren't being followed.  
"Because I think the plot we need is hiding in the Bago somewhere, " Aishi countered, sticking a hairpin into the lock on the door and jiggling it around. There was a loud click and the door swung open.  
"Does that actually work?" marveled the older of the two friends. " I thought that was only on TV!" "Probably, though I've never tried it before," Aishi said cheerfully. "Well, in we go"  
The two girls' jaws dropped as they entered the confined space where Murdoc spent most of his time. Dirty underwear and dirtier magazines littered the ground beside empty booze bottles and crumpled clothes, only some of which belonged to Murdoc. Drawers hung half-open containing suspicious-looking packages, Trojan wrappers and the occasional sacrificial chicken part. Over all of it was a smell of alcohol and old sandwiches.  
"It's even worse than I imagined," groaned Pandora.  
"What were you doing imagining Murdoc's room , huh?" Aishi sang mockingly.  
Pandora growled at the girl before kicking aside a pair of leather, thigh-high platform boots which may or may not have been the bassist's. " Shut up Aishi. Now let's hurry up and find a plot so we can get out of here"  
Aishi plopped down beside a pile of magazines and began digging through one of the drawers. Gleefully she pulled out a purple cape with red lining.  
"I am Dracula!" she said in a mocking deep voice, sweeping the satiny material over her shoulders and pretending to bare fangs." I will drink your BLOOOOD"  
Pandora picked up a cross-shaped pendant and discreetly pocketed it. "Nice necklace." She noticed the bass guitar propped against a wall and a malicious expression spread over her face. "Bet that will be worth BIG bucks on EBay, huh Aishi"  
Aishi opened a drawer and grinned. "I just found the jackpot"  
"What is it"  
Aishi produced a clear bottle with a red label from the drawer. "The secret alcohol stash"  
Pandora paused. "Do you have a feeling of déjà vu or is that just me"  
Aishi shrugged. "I guess so. We haven't raided the Bago before, have we? "  
"I don't know… Anyways, give me a drink of that vodka"  
" You alcoholic… only if I get a drink!"

A few hours later the girls were through their first bottle and singing happily with flushed cheeks.  
"Ninety-nahne boodles a beer on that waallll, ninety-nahne boodles a beer!" Aishi sang off-key. "Hey, I sound like a hobbit! Shire, shire, shi-err"  
"Take one down, pass it around.." sang Noodle.  
Pandora looked at the Asian girl, raising an eyebrow. "When did Noodle get here? And since when would she drink vodka? That's so OOC"  
"Rah, it's a fanfic! Who CARES?" called Aishi, thrusting a bottle towards Noods. "Have A NOTHER DRINK"  
Noodle giggled, her cheeks flushed pink, and the girls went back to their song.

Much later they were even drunker than before and the room was starting to spin.  
"Sen'ty.. Seveny… what were we on agaim?", asked the oldest girl.  
"Elevem I think," Aishi said triumphantly. Noodle and Aishi looked at each other and began yelling, "ELEVEN,ELEVEN!", at the tops of their lungs.  
Pandora picked up a pair of underwear and waved them around. "What is disso, what is disso!" Aishi grabbed the underwear and stuck them on her head. "Dare a hat!" she said cheerfully.  
Still wearing the undies atop her head like a helmet, she leaned forward and grabbed a handful of Polaroid photos. "And whadd're these"  
Pandora glanced at the photos and screamed, throwing them under the bed, then began laughing loudly. " Oh no, oh no, uh, hey!" She glared at her drinking companions. "You two're too young ta be drinkin'! You shoon't be here ya here"  
Aishi hiccupped. "But you're nawt mush olda"  
"Yeah I am! Whenya reverse my age, I'm fifty-one"  
"Oahu! I seeeeeeeeeeee!" Aishi laughed, nodding so hard the underwear flew from her head.  
Noodle gave a little squeal and ducked the airborne undergarments. They flew out the window of the Winnebago .  
Just at that moment, 2D was walking past and humming a song, minding his own business. Suddenly a pair of underwear came from nowhere and smacked him in the face, knocking him backwards onto his bum. He pulled the once-white briefs from his face and stared at them.  
Inside the Winnebago Aishi was laughing so hard she choked. Noodle slapped her on the back, which only caused everyone to laugh harder. Suddenly they heard a knock at the door and 2D's voice called, "Murdoc! Didja want somethin'? Ya threw your underwear at me.."

Pandora and Noodle immediately began hitting Aishi.  
"Say somethin'! Say somethin'!" Pandora whispered.  
"Hai, haiyaku!" Noodle insisted. The more intoxicated Noodle became, the less English the Asian girl remembered.  
"Ohm…." Aishi put on her best imitation of Murdoc's deep, gravelly voice. "Yeah, honey, come back later and I'll be waiting for you! I'm just getting ready for you baby"  
"Hum.. 'Kay… I fink…," mumbled 2D, wandering off towards his room.  
The three teens laughed hysterically and pounded on the ground with their fists.

2D wandered inside and past Russel, who was still standing in the lobby counting dots on the ceiling. "Hi Russ!" he called. " 476…478…479…450… Oh, hi 2D! 451… 452…453"  
Suddenly 2D smacked into Murdoc, fresh out of the shower and with only a towel around his waist. " Wow, 'at waz fast…" he muttered incoherently.  
"What are you talking about brainless?" snapped Murdoc.  
"You were just in tha Winnebago sayin' ya were gettin' ready and now you're here and stuff," 2D said matter-of-factly.  
Murdoc raised an eyebrow. "I've been in the bloody shower for the last hour or so dumbo"  
"But then how was you in two places at tha same time?" 2D scratched his head and then shrugged. "I'm firsty. I'm gonna get some juice"  
Murdoc pondered what the spacey singer had told him. Then it hit him like an anvil falling from the sky in a Looney Tunes cartoon.  
"Aw, S !" he snapped, and we all know what those little stars stand for, which have only been put there because the authoress's nine-year-old sister may read this story. "Someone's in my Winnebago"  
Murdoc rushed out into the car park screaming all manner of rude, shocking, indecent, unacceptable, inappropriate, unseemly, offensive, reprehensible language which shall not be repeated here, and passing by Russel who was still counting dots on the ceiling. (He was on 600)  
He flung open the door of his personal space to find Noodle hanging upside down and wearing his cape, flapping her arms like a bat, Aishi shooting underwear at her like slingshots, and Pandora dancing around the room with his bass guitar.  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he demanded, banging his fist against a wall.  
Pandora giggled and thrust a half-empty bottle of whisky towards him. "Awes, don' worrie! Halva niche drink"  
Murdoc paused for a second, the grabbed the bottle and took a swig.

Much, MUCH later (how much time am I going to skip in this freakin' story?) the four alcohol-soaked … Drinking buddies (for lack of a better term) were swaying slightly as they passed a bottle of rum between them.  
" Did I ever tell ya yeah have really nice-" began Murdoc, pointing at Pandora " BAKA HENTAI NEKO, URUSAI SHIMATTA KISAMA!" yelled Noodle before passing out face first on the ground.  
"Ha, ha, summon cant hole 'err alcohols…" slurred Aishi before also passing out.  
" WIMPS!" Pandora hollered, turning to Murdoc. "Bed I c'n outdrink ya." "Bringer on!" laughed the bassist. He took another swig of the alcohol and stared at the teen. "Im gon' tell yas somethin I ain't ever said no-one before... IIII"  
Suddenly a girl named Stefanie appeared from nowhere. "Oh my god you people are weird! What's with all the weird names? Okay, I'm out of the story"  
An anime-style sweat drop appeared on Pandora's forehead. "You left that in here"  
Aishi bolted up from her drunken stupor mysteriously. "Yeah, of course I did! I was intending to stay relatively close to the original. Besides, when Stef wrote herself a cameo into my story, it was one of the funniest parts in the whole damn thing"  
"Oh," Pandora said, nodding. "Okay"  
"Good," Aishi said, passing back out.  
Pandora watched as Stef disappeared. "OKAAAYYYYY"  
Murdoc waved a hand in front of her face. "EY! I was talkie! I was gonna say... I loooooooove you!" The bassist moved to lean on the blue-eyed girl but she moved back, causing him to crash to the floor. "Zad hurdy?" Pandora asked, leaning over the drunkard.  
Murdoc dragged his head over to Pandora and dropped it in her lap. "Uhhhhu"  
Just then, Russel burst down the door. "6,753! There are six thousand, seven hundred and fifty three dots on the ceiling!" He froze and looked around. There were two underage girls, one of whom was Noodle, passed out on the floor, underwear and empty bottles of alcohol scattered across the floor, and Murdoc had his head in the lap of another underage girl. (How suspiciously convenient)  
"Shih… z'not 'owe it looks!" yelled the bass demon as Russel grabbed him by the collar and held up a threatening fist.  
"Oh, sure... They just came in and intoxicated themselves, right"  
"Yeah! They did!" insisted Murdoc, flailing his arms and attempting to break Russ's hold on him.  
That was all he had to say. A fist smashed into his face with a loud CRUNCH.

Hello again! It's another author's note... did you know these things are actually pointless seeing as I have only had my story read by two people as I type this? Mostly, I like to hear myself talk. I'm full of hot air, and besides, it helps create the illusion that I actually have fans. Anyways, I ended the chapter here for a reason... one, it was getting too long, and two, the next bit seems better as the beginning of a chapter and not the end as it originally was. Hey! Look! I have a cool picture of Gorillaz! (Insert pic here) But I won't paste it on this story, because my memory on my disk seems to be running out... well, I have on it… This story in Microsoft word format, which takes a lot of space because I have done all that fancy stuff to it like change the font and background color and insert pictures, and then I have a big-as document full of song lyrics, and then I have my contention on the death penalty for English! Wait, my author's note is droning on and on… Okay, on to the next chapter! Siesta! And keep a mild groove on! 


	3. Chapter 3

Yet another disclaimer... I don't own the Gorillaz, (Paula) off! (Paula's name is the foulest word there is, aside form Kagome, which is also a dirty word... oh, and Chicken!) I wrote this story all by myself but I belong to me and Pandora belongs to Pandora a.k.a Hidden Kisses (I think that's her name…) well… Now what? Oh yeah, the chapter title. 

Chapter Three: Ships and sails and hangovers from hell

2D tapped lightly on the door of Noodle's room and cracked it open a bit. "'Ey Noods... Russ said to ask you if ya want some breakfast." Loud streams of graphic Japanese swear words greeted him, followed by a BANG as a Hello Kitty hit him upside the head. 2D quickly shut the door and retreated from it, yelling "I'll tell 'im ya aren't hungry!" Rubbing the bump on his head caused by the plastic cat, 2D knocked on the door of the guest room where Pandora was staying. Cautiously stepping towards the door, he tapped on it and braced himself.  
"WHAT THE (Paula) DO YOU WANT?" demanded a feminine voice. The authoress looked up at her confused fans for a minute, pausing the story. "Yes, I am interrupting my own hard-earned plot to make a note. As I am a member of the Paula haters, I am just letting you know that from this point on Paula's name represents a very foul word, and shall be used in place of language that would disapprove of. So, it is a profanity, you hear me? A PROFANITY!" The readers stirred listlessly in their seats in front of the computer and scrolled down." When does this thing end, anyways"  
Suddenly the plot got back on track. "I DON'T WANT ANY (Paula) –ING BREAKFAST YOU DUMBO! NOW GO AWAY OR I'LL (Paula) –ING KILL YOU"  
2D shuddered and backed away from the door. "She's like a girl Murdoc," he mumbled, retreating down the hall in fear of injury, just as the authoress will do when Pandora reads that sentence. He approached the living room, where Aishi was passed out on the couch.  
2D poked the redhead and shook her shoulder. "Yo, wake up. Russ wants ta know if you want breakfast"  
The OC bolted up, looking around furiously, then hissed at 2D and slunk away from him into a shadowy corner. "It's the elfses... They wants to take it from us, my dear, we are not going to let them have it!" She bared her teeth at the vocalist and he raised an eyebrow, backing away slowly for the third time that morning. "Um… like, I'm not an elf or nuffink… I'm just gonna go before ya sic a giant spider on me." He ran from the room as fast as he could.  
A few hours later, the three girls' stomachs had overpowered their hangovers and they sat in the kitchen with breakfast in front of them.  
"Itai… itai… itai…" repeated Noodle over and over, slumped headfirst in a bowl of cereal.  
"Ah, what's your (Paula)-in problem Spaghetti-girl?" snapped Pandora, flicking a bit of scrambled egg towards Noods. "GET OVER IT! MY HEAD HURTS"  
"We have a spoon… a spoon to protect us, and keep away those evil elephants..." muttered Aishi to herself, stroking her silverware. "Milford loves us. He won't let the people from copyright infringement get us or our long, food hands. Or our blatant reference to bizarre cartoons"  
Russel stood in the kitchen, tapping his foot and glaring at the teens. "You're luck this is a fanfic and we're the Gorillaz, or someone could be in serious trouble right now. If we weren't a cartoon band, we could get in trouble with the law AND the tabloids, and that's the last thing we want. So, have you three learnt a lesson about alcohol"  
Noodle muttered something in Japanese without looking up from her cereal, Aishi thrust the spoon towards Russ and Pandora snapped, "DON'T YOU PREACH TO ME YOU BIG (Paula)-ING (Paula)-ER"  
"I never found out who threw the undies anyways," Interrupted 2D, picking up the milk carton and drinking directly from it. "And what happened to Muds"  
"Uhhh... he's probably out sulking in the Bago," Russel said, then sighed. "I think there's some kind of moral hidden in this screwed-up story… but I don't think I care enough to find it. I am going to go practice." The big drummer shuffled out of the kitchen in exasperation.  
Aishi watched his retreating back and then turned to her fellow OC and Noodle. "Okay, that plotline has worn out... We need to think of something else to exploit to make this thing entertaining"  
Noodle raised an eyebrow. "What happened to our hangovers"  
"My attention span wore out. I'm on to bigger and better things." The redhead jumped up on the table and pointed at nothing in particular. "I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS A ROMANCE FIC"  
Pandora and Noodle looked at each other, then at the short Ameristralian. "What"  
"You heard me. I'm going to set up a couple and then write about their love"  
"Oh, no..." muttered Noodle, shaking her head. "I have read these before. I do not want to be a part of this at all"  
"Your grammar got fixed!" noted Pandora, flipping back to the first chapter. "In Chapter one you spoke in bad grammar with fan girl Japanese thrown in at intervals, but now you talk normally"  
Noodle shrugged. "Ask Aishi. She fixed it for me. She must be quite bored of all those little green lines"  
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" demanded the fourteen-year-old Gorillaz fan, waving her arms angrily. "So, the question is... What ship am I going to explore today"  
"We get ta go on a boat ride?" asked a puzzled, dreamy voice and the girls spun to see 2D standing behind them.  
"When did you get here?" Noodle asked, tilting her head.  
"I was 'ere tha whole time… I never left since line 11 where I drank tha milk"  
"Oh yeah... I wrote you in didn't I?" mumbled Aishi. "Crap. I have to keep track of who is in the room and when"  
"So, when are we getting on the boat?" 2D asked, scratching his head.  
" Um, a ship means a couple that had been set up for a fan fiction 2D. It's short for 'relationship.' And if you want to RIDE a couple... this fanfic's rating better change." Aishi held her index finger in the air as she explained the word to 2D, pointing at nothing in particular. " Anyways, what do you guys think? I need to decide"  
"Let's do 2D and Noodle!" suggested Pandora, grabbing the two by the shoulders and cramming them together. " They're so cute together"  
"Awww, everyone does that!" sighed Aishi, tapping a pen impatiently. "And anyways, I can't really make any lewd jokes or suggestive scenes with those two because of the age gap"  
"You pervert, you're not turning this into hentai are you?" Pandora remarked sarcastically.  
"Well, if I make it a 2d-Muds fic…" she mused aloud.  
"NO!" 2D begged, shaking his head rapidly. "I always get abused in those stories! And besides, your sister might read this"  
"You're right… damn." " Well… what about one of us with Murdoc or 2D? You know, some fluff, maybe some PG-13 scenes, and then heartbreak"  
"Mmm…" Aishi grinned. "Oh, Pandora. You told me sometime you think Murdoc's bad-boy image was sexy. How would you like to follow up on that bit of setup I put in the last chapter"  
"So THAT'S why you did that!" snapped Pandora. "Well, yes, I think Muds is hot, but the way you did it in the last chapter made it seem like I didn't like him"  
"Playing hard to get. Besides, if you flirt with HIM, he'll get scared off and won't go anywhere with ya"  
"But if I continue playing hard to get, it'll just go on like that and won't go anywhere either!" "Wait.. I've got it. You start going out with 2D, but secretly want Murdoc, and are only with 'D to make him jealous, so that you two finally get together but you end up breaking 2D's heart"  
Pandora growled. "What do you think I am, (Paula)-ing PAULA"  
Aishi clapped a hand over Pandora's mouth. "Don't use that kind of language in front of Noodle and me"  
" Sorry," "Well, I guess you and Murdoc are no good… what about Russel? No-one ever writes a story with Russ as the main love interest"  
"That's cause he'd squish a girl," 2d butted in to the discussion. "He'd make pancakes out of 'er"  
"I HEARD THAT!" snapped a voice and 2D gave a little squeak, taking off as the drummer thundered in and attempted to turn 2d into a pancake. "I'll kill you"  
" Well, who would we set Russ up with?" Pandora asked as soon as the two were out of the room. " What about … you?" Aishi asked, grinning. "I mean, it's be so CUUTE"  
" NO!" snapped the teen, hitting her friend with a rolled-up newspaper. " I don't think so"  
"Why not?" whined the redhead, giggling. "I'd do it myself, Russ is a sweetie, but I want to be Cupid and hook up the lucky couple"  
" Because!" "Oh! I know!" the fanfic-writer who was running out of things to call herself said, giggling madly. " RUSSEL AND 2D"  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" squeaked Pandora. " Russel and 2D? You're kidding, right"  
"Everyone does Muds with 'D so why not Russ with him? Or," the girl's wicked grin widened, "Muds and Russ!" "AHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Panda, waving her arms. "NO WAY! POOR RUSSEL"  
"Okay, that's a no.. well, I'm stumped, how about you?" "Yeah, me too, and this discussion lost its humor about sixteen lines ago and became tedious"  
"Well then, time to go back to a plot." Aishi snapped her fingers and then the girls were mysteriously standing in the corridor.  
Russel approached them with Noodle trailing behind him. " Hey girls. Noods and I were just about to go and get the other two for a jam session. Wanna follow"  
"Sure," Aishi sang, dancing behind them gleefully.  
Russel approached 2d's door and tapped on it lightly. "Hey 'D! Time to practice, mate, let's go"  
"I'm not in the bloody mood," a scratchy voice said from behind the door. Russ raised an eyebrow. What was Murdoc doing in there?  
"Uh, yeah, me neither," 2D said, and the drummer picked up hints of intoxication in his voice. "Hum, I'm busy!" "Okay then.. guess I'll do it alone!" Russ said loudly, and stomped his feet to make it seem like he was leaving, then crouched and pressed his ear to the door.  
"Do you ever get déjà vu?" whispered Pandora, but Aishi held up a finger to shush her.  
"He's gone I fink," 2D's voice could be heard saying through the door.  
"Good… come here," Murdoc's rough voice insisted, and there was a rustling sound from inside the room. "Gimme this"  
The rustling grew louder and 2D made a small noise. "Uh-uh Muds, don't do that.. what if…" began 2D but then he made another small noise and a loud bang could be heard on the wall.  
"I know what I'm doing," Murdoc insisted and there was a grunt that Russ could only assume came from the bassist. The drummer quickly clapped a hand over Noodle's ears and she looked up at him in confusion.  
"Ow, ow, Murdoc, don't push that so hard!" 2D's voice filtered through the wood of the door.  
" Shaddap and quit movin, it's almost through!" There was a lot of rustling now, and creaking noises, like bedsprings or a chair frame being strained.  
"Ahh, that hurts, it's pokin' somethin' that hurts!" 2D whined, and made another noise that sounded like an animal whimpering.  
Russel flung open the door, angry and shocked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM MURDOC?" 2D blinked and looked up at his band mate. "Oh, hi there"  
Russ froze. 2D was sitting in the chair holding a rubber pencil grip that the bassist was violently trying to shove a colored pencil through. The tip of the pencil was poking 2D's hand hard enough to pierce the skin, but that was the only penetration happening. (I can't believe I just typed that.) Both member were fully clothed, although there were colored pencils and coloring books scattered across the floor.  
"You're… uh… coloring"  
""Course," 2Dsaid cheerfully, then winced as the tip of the pencil poked him again. He moved his hand and Murdoc snatched the grip form him, shoving it on the pencil with a determined grunt. "What'd ya think we were doing?"

* * *

Hello again, to the .. three readers i have. -- I always speak as though i'm adressing a big audience, but i have a grand total of maybe 3 readers and one reveiwer.. anyways, i am too bored to write author's notes so, the next chappie will be up when i get off me bum and write it, with more humor and new characters (provided i get thier permission) and... um... go back to sleep now! Sayonara! 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone as I've said about 4 billion times! (Wait, that's a hyperbole… I've only said it 3 times.) And sometimes I don't know WHY I write this story… actually, I do. Because I love writing stories so! And, WOOHOO! At the time I write this, I have two reviews!  
(Plus I got one other review, but… never mind that)  
That makes a grand total of four and a half readers! Let's celebrate! Okay, anyways, on to the next chapter! 

Chapter 4: ThischapterisfullofplottwistylikethingsandothercharacterscominginandreplaceingcharacterswhoarebasedoffofpeoplethatiammadatwhenidecidetoremovethemfromthestoryplusreferencetoacartoonwhichmanypeopleknowofbutonlyinonelinelikeinfoolycoolywhichisactuallyfurikuriandwhichiwatchedalotinthestatesandlikedasmuchasExcelSaga!  
(Or: The Paula Killers Chapter.)

It was midnight in Kong studios, the hour when shadowy figures could be seen slinking through the hallways and bizarre noises could be heard, like the screams of animals.  
Oh wait, that was just Murdoc and his groupies.  
Anyways, with the exception of the bassist, mostly everyone in the studio was asleep. Noodle was sleeping peacefully, dreaming of manga and martial arts, Russ snoring gently with a bucket of fried chicken at the foot of his bed, and 2D drooling on his pillow with a worn, eyeless teddy bear cradled under one arm. But there was one more person awake in the studio… a certain red-haired OC who was staring at the large TV screen as the ending credits of and anime show rolled.  
"Fukaaaiii fukaiiiiiii mori something I don't know Japanese, la la la la la la!" the girl sang off-key as the show ended. "Noodle will be sorry she missed that episode. It was the best so far. I mean, I can't believe he loves the stupid schoolgirl instead of the really cool dead girl. I sure hate that girl in the green skirt. I wish I could just kill her"  
"Speaking of kill…" said a feminine voice, and the authoress turned to see a figure standing silhouetted in the doorway. (A/N: I actually have no idea how this person's voice should sound)  
"Who's there?" squeaked the redhead, turning slowly.  
"It's me… the person you want to kill. I know what you've plotted against me you little brat"  
"Ka… go… me?" The 14-year old asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"No! The other one"  
"AKITO"  
"No, I'm a girl"  
"Mai"  
"No you dumbo! How long is your death list anyways? It's me! Paula"  
"Ohm! Okay! Wait… Paula! I HATE YOU"  
Paula stepped out of the doorway into the glow of the TV. "And I hate you. So I'm going to kill you the way you and the rest of that club kill me again and again"  
"But why come after me? Why not come after the ones who STARTED the club? I'm just harmless member number 76"  
"Because this is your fanfic," Paula said matter-of-factly, pulling a long wicked scythe from thin air.  
Suddenly there was a yell and both females looked up to see two figures dropping down from the sky. With a loud CRUNCH, two girls fell from the sky and onto 2D (who had conveniently stepped into the room at the exact moment they fell on him)  
"It's Amateur-san and Blueie-san!" the fanfic authoress yelled excitedly, running over to the two who were sitting nonchalantly on 2D's back.  
"And I brought the 2D doll!" Blueie declared happily, producing a doll from her coat that bore a remarkable resemblance to the person that they were sitting on.  
Murdoc stepped into the room, clad only in his underwear and socks. "What the 'ell's happening in here? And why have you put in two MORE psycho characters. What happened to Pa"  
"DON'T SPEAK HER NAME!" Aishi yelled, clapping a hand over Murdoc's mouth.  
Murdoc raised an eyebrow. "Mmmm mmm mmmmmm mmmm mm mmmmm mm"  
"Don't ask, but she's not in this story. Anyways," the redhead turned towards Paula, "the Paula Killers are here now. And you better be afraid"  
Grinning wickedly, Amateur grabbed the scythe and swung it. With a big spurt of blood, Paula's head hit the floor.  
"Ding-dong, the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead!" 2D sang, pulling an orange winter coat on over his pajamas.  
Aishi stared at 2D. "Why are you wearing that orange hoodie 2D?" she asked.  
2D words came out muffled by the fur-lined hood that obscured most of his face. Annoyed, Murdoc grabbed the scythe and severed 2D's head from his shoulders.  
"Oh my god! You killed 2D!" declared Blueie, poking the severed head with a stick.  
"I wanted to do that!" Amateur said, frowning.  
"You wanted to chop his head off with a scythe"  
"No, I wanted to say 'You bastard! You killed Kenny- I mean, 2D"  
Aishi snapped her fingers and 2D's head flew back to his body. The vocalist pulled the hood off of his head and gasped for breath. "Wow! Being dead is WEIRD!" "What are we going to do with Paula's body anyways?" Blueie asked, kicking the headless corpse.  
"You could give it to me," Murdoc said with a wicked grin.  
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" squeaked Aishi, throwing the scythe at the bass guitar player. "What would you want with HER body"  
"Well, human sacrifices are always better than chickens!" Murdoc said sardonically, kicking the corpse with one grubby sock. "Oh," Aishi said, putting a hand behind her head and laughing sheepishly. "Right. I didn't think you'd do anything perverted with it, what are you talking about? He he he he he"  
"Let's dump it in the landfill… no-one will notice or care." Amateur said, holding her nose. "Quickly, before she starts stinking"  
"She stank when she was alive!" Blueie said with a wrinkle of her nose. She pulled on one arm of her 2D doll as she spoke. "I mean, she smelled like rotten skunk meat in the middle of 100-degree-heat"  
"Well, imagine that multiplied by ten and that's how she'll smell if we don't get her outside fast"  
"Well... who's going to dump her?" Aishi asked, looking around.  
"Um, I just got back from bein' dead, I fink I can't lift anything for awhile." 2D said, rubbing his head. "B'sides, I had more people fall on me"  
"Don't look at me," growled Murdoc.  
"I'm not touching that!" Amateur and Blueie said in unison.  
"Well then, who is?"

Russel grunted as he lifted the bloody corpse off of the ground. "Why do I get stuck doin y'all's dirty grunt work anyways? There is more to Russel Hobbs than a big body! I have a brain too, you know"  
"Just shaddap and dump it," Murdoc said in his voice that sounded like a cheese grater. "And then I can go back to the 'Bago and get some serious"  
"Please don't tell us the personal details of you and your groupies Murdoc!" Aishi exclaimed.  
"I was going to say, 'sleep.'". Murdoc said flatly.  
"Are you going to keep jumping to perverted conclusions like that Aishi?" Amateur asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Look at that cloud," Blueie said dazedly, pointing at a cloud drifting by over the moon. "It looks like a squirrel"  
"Let me see!" the other two Paula Killers exclaimed, rushing over to look at the cloud.  
"I think it's a banana," Aishi said, tilting her head sideways.  
"More like a Smurf," Amateur said, scratching her head.  
Russel, 2D and Murdoc looked at each other and shook their heads resignedly. "I'm goin' back to bed," the drummer said with a little sigh, having already dumped Paula's body and her head.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Murdoc said, shuffling towards the car park and his filthy Winnebago.  
2D stared at the cloud that the three were making such a fuss over. "If ya ask me, it's more like a chewed-up piece of paper"  
"Idiots of a feather flock together…" muttered Russ as he closed the door behind him . (No offense… if Amateur and Blueie become offended at being called idiots, I apologize!)

* * *

Aishi cleared her throat and prepared for another long-winded Author's note. "Well, folks, in this chapter, I-"

("Wait!" called a voice, interrupting the Author's note. "Noodle wasn't in this chapter at all"  
Aishi looked around for the source of the voice. "Yeah, well, I did mention her for a line in the beginning"  
"But we love Noodle!" the voice declared.  
"Yeah, so do I, but I didn't"  
"Why didn't you make Noodle kill Paula?" The voice continued, growing louder. "She should have killed Paul a instead of you OC's"  
"Look, next time I get a chance I'll make Paula have a guitar duel with Paula, happy?" the authoress snapped,  
searching for the source of the nagging, annoying whine.  
"Thank you," said the voice, and disappeared.)

"Where was I?" snapped the irritable Aussie-Yank Gorillaz fan. "This chapter, I put in two characters and got rid of one! I got rid of Pandora for personal reasons which have been dragged into my fanfic and manifest as such, but I won't be blatantly mean or diss her online, I'll just leave it at saying I might not have her return to my story. I'm just not the type to be bitchy like that. Anyways,  
I am happy that Amateur-san and Blueie-san gave me permission to use them in this (Paula—ed) up story of mine! I'd also like to personally thank my two reviewers Yumi-chan and Bloodshed Samurai for not running away screaming but instead ACTUALLY READING this, and for actually thinking that this bizarre little fanfic is funny for its random rambles. Please keep reading and reviewing as I write this, or else I have wasted about four hours of my life (one for each chapter I've written, as it only takes that long to write one… shows you how much dedication I have to my work.) Anyways, by god this author's note is getting long, so I'll leave you at that and Ja Ne until next time!"

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own the Gorillaz. If I did, why would I waste my time writing fanfics about them, instead of going out and ACTUALLY making things happen? Ahh, well. I am too happy to be sarcastic right now. There's just so much to be happy about! First of all, I'd like to thank the best bunch of reviewers in the whole entire world. I mean, you actually think I'm funny! Not only that, but y'all endorse Paula-killing. Which everyone should endorse. And I just want to take this opportunity… to give y'all a muffin. Here ya go folks.  
Oh, wee, we put our Christmas lights up a couple days ago! Not only that, but I got a new notebook, a bottle of black nail polish, and a book called "a dictionary of the occult". And I saw the MTV Europe awards, and WOW! I wanted to pet 2D and noodle's hair. I mean, it really looked so SOFT. I know it wasn't solid and all but… XX Anyways, I don't own Edward, Return 0f the Living Dead, or ANYTHING I mention on this fic that belongs to someone else. (And I make many references.) Hail IL Palazzo!  
Chapter Five: (insert chapter title here)

"AAAAAH"  
A high-pitched scream rang through the hallways of Kong Studios... a scream of pure, unchecked terror. If you traced it back to its source, you'd wind up in the TV room where all four members of the Gorillaz, as well as the three teenagers who had fallen from the sky in previous chapters, were seated in front of the TV.  
The scream had actually emanated from the TV, where a movie was playing (Return of the Living Dead- 2D's choice)  
Murdoc snatched the popcorn from Russel with a snarl. "Don't eat all the popcorn you bloody Garbo guts"  
Russel snatched it away from Murdoc. "Say please… cracker ass." Murdoc snatched it back. "'Please' can get stuffed. It's not my fault you're a pig"  
In his snatch, some of the popcorn had been flung from its container and landed on 2D's head. "Ow," he said dully before removing a kernel from his blue hair and popping it in his mouth.  
A hand reached over and took a handful of popcorn from the bucket on Murdoc's lap. The hand was connected to an arm which was in turn connected to a small, redheaded girl. She popped the popcorn in her mouth and chewed.  
"I fond ged id," she said through the mouthful. "I fought zombies were dumm. Dee's guys talk an call for more p'lice and everythin. What's a deal"  
"Zombies are bloody zombies. Does it matter if they could outwit Stu-pot?" Murdoc snapped.  
"You just like this movie because that Goth girl took off her clothes" Amateur said matter-of-factly, grabbing a handful of the nibbles being passed around the room.  
"It was a bonus." Murdoc mumbled before getting smacked upside the head by Russel.  
"The zombies may not be trying to cause discomfort, but I would rather sentence myself to the pain than eat the brains of another human being," said a feminine voice with a heavy Japanese accent as Noodle pulled the box of candy from Amateur.  
"I like brains," commented Blueie, staring at the screen. "But do zombies eat other zombie's brains? Can they eat their own brains"  
"Can't the zombies' jus' take some painkillers or somefink?" asked 2D, pulling another piece of popcorn from his hair.  
"No you dim-witted cadaver! Zombies can't take bloody painkillers. They can only eat brains," Murdoc barked, hitting the singer upside his head (which knocked the remaining popcorn from his head to the floor). "Even you should know that. You're the one obsessed with zombies"  
"2D watches zombie movie but knows nothing about them. He's too bust trying to talk to doors," sighed Amateur. "He thinks they have messages for him"  
"But the door was tryin' to tell me somfin' important!" whined 2D.  
"You know, to find out about how a dead brain works, one must look no farther than 2D." Aishi said.  
"Ey! Insultin' 2D is MY job!" snapped the Bassist.  
"Can you guys shut up so Noodle and I can actually watch?" Russel mumbled.  
""Now the government is going to blow them all up…" mumbled Noodle. "Why must they come up with such solutions as this"  
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. All the people in front of the TV jumped simultaneously. (Ooh, look at my big word: SIMULTANEOUSLY)  
Blueie inched towards the door. "Should we... Open it"  
"It may be a zombie!" Noodle exclaimed, biting her nails.  
"Oyo! Then open it, puh-lease?" shrieked Aishi gleefully. "I always wanted a pet zombie"  
"What's with this chapter's fixation on zombies anyways?" Russel inquired, scratching his head.  
"I don't know," replied Aishi. "I'm thinking it's a combination of my reading that zombie blues story (look, free advertising!), my recent viewing of Return of the Living Dead, and my new 'Dictionary of the occult"  
"Or maybe it's jus' the zombies takin' over!" 2D added "OVER HERE!" called Blueie, waving an arm. "I was just about to open the door dramatically"  
"Oh yeah," everyone said in unison, turning back in her direction.  
Blueie swallowed and turned the doorknob slowly, with an ominous onomatopoeic CREEEEAAAAAKKKKK…  
There was a tangible silence (ha-ha… tangible- that's a fancy word!) as the hinges rotated and the big door swung open as though possessed. And behind it was…  
Nothing. "Aw, man! How anticlimactic!" Russel stated.  
Suddenly, with a loud BUAHAHAHA! (More onomatopoeia!) a figure sprang form the doorway into the room.  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" shrieked a high-pitched voice girlishly.  
Everyone turned to look at Noodle.  
"Not me," she said calmly, pointing towards 2D.  
Even in the dark you could see the blood rush to Stu-pot's face. "Umm, I, err, I... Murdoc poked me"  
"OVER HERE!" demanded the shadowy figure.  
The distracted group turned back towards the dramatically posed shape. "Oh, yeah"  
"That keeps happening. You're really easily distracted," Amateur said to Aishi.  
""Anyways…" growled the shadowed person, stepping into the light.  
Murdoc, 2D, Noodle, Russel, Amateur, Blueie and Aishi gasped. Standing in the glow of the TV was Paula,  
half-rotted and holding her head to her shoulders with Duct Tape.  
"Duct tape really is good for everything," commented 2D.  
"Damn it, she smells horrible!" mumbled Murdoc.  
"I am NOT dumping the body AGAIN!" groaned Russ.  
Noodle looked at the other three members of the Gorillaz crew. "Am I missing something here"  
"To make a long story short, I'm a member of the Paula Killaz which is a thingy which Amateur and Blueie are like the top bananas of which is good cause they started it and I didn't I'm just member seventy something but anyways I wrote last chapter that she came and you were asleep and then they fell from the sky and hurt 2D's back and then we killed her and dumped her in the landfill and I made a stupid South Park joke which by the way I don't own south park in case I forgot to mention it in the disclaimer but anyways the chapter ended and I said something which people might know now and I got many reviews and now she's back and she's pissed," Aishi said, without pausing to take a breath.  
"Bloody hell!" Murdoc said, jaw dropping. "That's the SHORT VERSION"  
Noodle frowned. "Paula, you may once have held my position in this band, but I must say I disapprove of you greatly"  
"Alright! We get to kill her again!" Blueie said cheerfully.  
"Okay, I have a plan," Aishi said, pulling the other two into a football huddle. "First, we get ourselves locked into a Wal-Mart or Big W for two to three days, and then we wait till Mai"  
"Paula," corrected Amateur.  
"Paula, whatever… is asleep, and then we all get supplies in the Wal-Mart, and one of us will have to glue her hand to either her chest or her mouth… We'll also need about 35 other people, two of whom are a homosexual couple, and I'll need to get pregnant, preferably with a redhead."© Amateur and Blueie raised eyebrows skeptically.  
"Or… we could use a bazooka." "Not so fast!" called Paula, pointing a half-decomposed finger in the girls' direction. "I will not die so easily! I am the living dead"  
"Like a zombie or somefink?" 2D inquired.  
"Before Murdoc makes some smartass comment, YES a zombie or something," Russel stated, clapping a hand over Murdoc's mouth to keep him from interjecting.  
"I dislike you, Paula, and I dislike zombies even more." Noodle growled.  
"Damn, you're right Russ; this chapter IS fixated on zombies!" Aishi interrupted.  
"And I don't like you, brat," Paula said, leaning her festering, fetid face towards Noodle. "To think my rightful spot in the band was taken by some barely-out of diapers fortune-cookie chopstick chick"  
Noodle tightened her fist by her side. "Then we must settle our dispute with an honorable duel"  
Paula laughed: a horrible rasping sound that came from musty, putridly decomposed vocal cords held together with Duct Tape. "Bring it on, sushi sheila!" Paula shrieked. "I can take anything"  
(The authoress would like to take a minute now to slam her head into the wall for using the word Sheila, despite her adamant insisting that she will not use Australian slang, even if she does now live in Australia)  
"We must use a weapon which we are both very familiar with," Noodle stated, grinning slightly. "We will have a battle of the guitar"  
"Told you last chapter that I'd do it," Aishi said smugly.  
"Mmm mm mmm mm mmm mm mmm mm mmm mmm mm-mm!" Murdoc cried, still having Russel's hand clamped over his mouth.  
"Oh, oops," Russ mumbled, pulling his hand away from Murdoc's mouth and wiping it on his pants.  
"So this whole thing was a bloody setup for that dumb Paula-killers thing you said last chapter"  
"Yep!" Aishi said cheerfully.

"OVER HERE!" declared Noodle and Paula in chorus (which only caused them to growl at each other). (The authoress would like to take another minute to apologize for all the digressions and detours, such as this one you are reading right now. She'll try to stop, but they're so damn fun)  
"Here's the rules!" Blueie declared, holding a hand in the air. "Each guitarist has to try and out-rock their opponent. She who rocks hardest earns the spot of the Gorillaz guitarist"  
"Who's the judge?" Amateur asked.  
"To make it fair, we must choose an impartial judge, who will not feel stressed in choosing between Paula and me"  
"Well, that puts everyone in this room out of the picture," sighed Russel. "We'll get EDWARD!" squealed Aishi gleefully. She produced a top hat from some convenient place and pulled out a protesting, blonde-haired guy, dressed in black clothed and an oversize red jacket.  
"Who the hell is Edward?" asked Noodle, Russel, 2D, Murdoc, Paula, Amateur and Blueie in unison.  
"He's the short protagonist of an anime called Full metal Alchemist"  
"I'M NOT SHORT!" yelled Ed, swinging his arms wildly.  
"Look at yourself you bloody midget!" laughed Murdoc.  
Ed broke free of Aishi's grip and hit Murdoc with his right arm. There was a loud WHACk and Murdoc fell over.  
"He also has a metal arm," continued Aishi. "And I have an icon of him on MSN messenger, which I stole from Blueie"  
"Well, are we ready to do this thing or what?" Paula insisted, her half-decomposed stench wafting through the room. Everyone gagged and Russel threw open a window, gasping for air.  
"Choose your weapon!" Edward announced, holding open a trunk which had a soft glow and a singing choir of angels emanating from it.  
Inside were two guitars, perfect in every way, enough to make any sane guitarist drool a river. (I am no guitar expert, so imagine the details yourself.) One was yellow, with a lone black stripe (kill-bill color scheme!) and the other was gray,  
with black zigzag lines down it.  
Predictably, Noodle grabbed the yellow guitar and Paula grabbed the gray one. The two snarled at each other.  
Noodle tuned the strings and then strummed lightly across them, playing a single chord. Paula strummed the same chord, but it came out rough and menacing, like some guy scraping a broken beer bottle over a chalkboard. A malicious grin spread over her zombie face, showing the crooked buckteeth which everyone had come to see as her trademark.  
"Is anyone else reminded of 'The devil went down to Georgia'?" Murdoc asked.  
Aishi's jaw dropped. "You know that hokey old song? Half the people who read this will have no idea what you're even TALKING about"  
Murdoc's face flushed. "I, uh, that is… I like the bit where the devil plays"  
"I accept your challenge!" Noodle declared, and played a wild riff on her guitar, ending with a karate kick. If the authoress had to use onomatopoeia to describe it, she'd stand on the table yelling "Neeeow neeeow nah neeeeooowwwah"  
Paula, in retort to this, began playing a hard heavy-metal guitar solo. Noodle imitated the solo and then added her own twist,  
where she flipped in the air and landed perfectly balanced on her feet with a loud TWANG of her strings. (This all sounds boring on paper, but trust the authoress when she says it is ten times better when she reads it aloud while standing on a table)  
Paula had nothing to say. She was nowhere near cool enough to compete with that. She knelt at Noodle's feet.  
"This IS like that song!" Murdoc insisted, receiving stares from the others.  
Suddenly, Paula sprang to her feet and swung the guitar like a baseball bat, aiming for Noodle's head.  
Noodle picked up her guitar and blocked it. Suddenly the two were wielding their guitars like Jedi knights with light sabers.  
WHACK, WHACK, WHACK went the musical instruments, suddenly changing to percussion instruments.  
Noodle gave a mighty swing and it connected loudly with Paula's head. The duct tape ripped loose of the stinking flesh and Paula's head was sent flying out of the window that Russ had conveniently opened earlier.  
"HOME RUN!" declared Ed. "NOODLE WINS!" "YAAY!" squealed Noodle, tackling Edward and squeezing him tightly.  
"Mummy!" protested Edward, trying to squirm free of Noodle's arms.  
"Hey! Noodle! Edward is MINE!" yelled Aishi, snatching him from noodle and hugging him like some oversized plushy.  
"Well, I still wish WE had killed Paula," Amateur said.  
"Yeah, with a machine gun and a flying army of leprechaun babies at our command!" Blueie added.  
"Or if we re-enacted a story which is... the greatest story ever written"  
"What, hop on Pop?" 2D asked, tilting his head.  
"I want to hop on pop!" Amateur said, hopping on 2D.  
"I'd endorse the story, but it's not on this site. Let's just say it's a tale of love and betrayal, of shopping cart races and clandestine encounter s in the men's toilets. It's a story of being left in a certain store over the weekend, a story called"  
"CAN WE END THE CHAPTER NOW?" yelled Ed. "You're crushing my spine"  
"Oh, right," Aishi said sheepishly. "The end!"

Well, here comes the part where I respond individually to each of the lovely reviewers who have reviewed me! Thank y'all; I will give you many more muffins.

To tell you the truth, I don't feel as though this chapter is very good. When I compare it to, say, the beginning, I see that it's really not as funny, and I have absolutely PACKED it with suggestion to other things, (songs, TV shows, anime, even unheard of fanfics) And this might be bad because inside jokes are often not funny to people who aren't in on them. What do y'all think? I mean, compare it to Chapter Two. That's the best chapter in this entire story, in my opinion. I don't know if I can top it. But anyways, I know that this is a bit of a ramble. Aren't all authors' notes? Thanks for reading and reviewing, guys, I would like to say, any suggestions you have are very welcome for plotlines… Flame away! Arrgh, well, hail Il Palazzo! And remember that there are no free bananas! 


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